I met Jin on a local train on the fourth day in Japan. It was easy. She was the only one reading an English newspaper. The seventh day of my stay, Jin picked us (Samudra, then three and half years and me) up from the hotel and let us stay with her at her parent’s place for the night – I had pre-planned my stays in Japan in three different types of accommodation in one star, YWA and three and half star hotel and left one night open.
The next day over lunch she mentioned male domination.
Male domination, in varying degrees, is a character of nearly all countries.
Giving is natural and needed. As human beings it is natural to give respect and compassion to every creature in the world. Male domination is about not giving and with-holding what is natural to give in any situation – It is being misguided in our knowledge of what is our true nature.
Where I come from there is an adage about giving by Sarvagna (the all knower) – the person who gives without saying is of the highest order; the person who says they give and give is of the medium order; the person who says they give but do not is of no order.
Male tendency is to establish order, make stable, to resolve, to rest firmly in the foundations of reality.
Female tendency is to be kind, magnanimous and generous to who needs it, to give a firm and helping hand, to give someone the skills and resources to succeed on their own. The female tendency in us is what brings hope to the world make us each blossom in our own time.
We do not have to hold on to labels such as ‘I am gay/lesbian/male/female’ etc. We each have both male and female tendencies to varying degrees in us. Our spiritual journey in life is to be well established in both male and female tendencies. We work on this to our potential in each lifetime with or without a partner.
As human beings we want to give. We want to give happily and we want what we have given to be received well.
Giving between partners – This innate quality is behind male domination in relation to mistresses. Men and women need respect, compassion and love from their partners. When men want to give what they can to their women and if it cannot be received well for any reason they look for mistresses, so they may not be judged about everything else. By going to mistresses men get a false sense of upper hand over their women. That men need to be powerful is stone-age thinking.
When a person gives and their partner/spouse cannot receive there are many things at play – what is given, how it is given, the capacity to receive what is given. It is healthy to work on all areas. Without working on these areas, if one takes the short cut of receiving/giving intimacy to a person other than their partner/spouse; it is losing valuable space for possible transformation of oneself, through expression.
Men are mistaken to assume that all men want is to take a woman to bed. Men and women mistakenly assume that women do not like sexual play every day. Perhaps sexual play needs to be redefined – a tender gaze, a caring touch, a gentle stroke, a delicate kiss, discussing sex with words or pictures, thinking sexual thoughts are all forms of sexual play in addition to intercourse. Women would love their partners/spouses to engage in such sexual play sometimes without the need to progress to intercourse. For this reason a partnered person must not engage in such acts with a person other than their partner/spouse – it is transgressing the other person’s space whether they think like that or not. It is good to have values, that, ‘I will have sex only with my life partner’.
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