Love is not an emotion. Love is at the base of every emotion. Any emotion that arises in us stays with us from a couple of seconds to up to two and a half days. We can wait the emotion out or transform it to what it is, an expression of ‘love’. Here is how I learnt to transform emotions:
8 August 2006,
Since Mukur left eight months ago, the special breathing technique has given me the strength to be with all my feelings, guilt, anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, and hurt, in the quagmire of dissolution. At first the feelings would stay for a couple of days at a time. Now I am past that, relaxed, happy and at peace with myself. It has given me clarity of my thoughts and feelings. I can observe my thoughts arise and let them be, my feelings stay a couple of minutes to an hour.
In this state, I meet James. I cannot sleep the night, or the night after. My eyes stay ‘open’ for two full weeks. Chandrika diagnoses, “You are ‘in Love’.” My attempts to meet him again, are in vain.
Four weeks after meeting James, my longing continues – I am happy that I feel so light in my being, right now. I am frustrated at times which feels overpowering. Before it leads to anger I want to get to the bottom of this frustration and come out of it:
What am I frustrated about? – That James is not responding. In the quietness of my mind I understand, that if James does not respond that is his ‘response’.
What does that mean to me? – I feel sad.
What is this sadness about? – That the depth of my love is not acknowledged. Oh. I do know the depth of my love to be sacred – I cannot make light of it because of James’ (or anyone’s) ignorance. I delve on this love and its depth. It lives in spite of James and my frustration. With this I know this love is not really about James. This love dwells deep within me. James only opened me to it. With this love I want to protect my very being from hurt and harm.
I think this is the most important analysis I have done in my life to-date. I am excited for me. I take many events in my life and my emotions through them, I practice going through to the bottom of this love with every emotion.
A year later I start meditating every night with a meditation called Transforming Emotions from a three meditation CD set, The Gift of Silence by the Guru. This would settle any/all emotions of the day. After two years, no emotions bother me. Any emotion that arises lasts a few seconds or drops as soon as it arises. Also this same time I learn all there is to know about ‘Love’ through the Guru’s commentaries on Narada’s Bhakti Sutras. This knowledge adds new, deeper meaning to my love for the world, James and me. It keeps me delightfully relaxed.
“What love really does to you is that it refines your consciousness. In the state of love, you become sensitive. For your consciousness to perceive the truth, it needs to be in the state of love, which makes you very refined” – The Guru.
The hint I sent James has seeped in. I write James a letter, typed up, about what I like, admire and love about him. I can tell he liked reading it because the day he would receive it, buckets full of energy of pleasance descended on me. Oh. He got it. The second time he read it, I read it with him word for word.
On the Monday, I expect him to call me. I receive an email – a one liner.
“I am flattered by your attention. Unfortunately, I am already in a relationship.”
I deliberate upon my experiences on the day I met James and the two weeks after. How can I add meaning to ‘Unfortunately’? GOSH. NO WAY. I am not going to take him away from someone.
I reply: “
What I have gained is priceless… I am glad I have enough projects to work on and forget what happened and you have enough wisdom to forgive me for the same.
I cannot fall out of love just because of a line in his email.
My journey about realizing my love and purpose in life starts now?
Love is not an emotion. Loving someone causes emotions. Once we learn to transcend emotions, love remains love and nothing else.
After learning the process of transforming emotions I apply it to every emotion, thought and feeling that arose in me. Each time I would trace the emotion, thought or feeling back to Love for myself and others. I realize “everything in life is about love”; Love is all there is in life.